Gremlins

Met you in a Harry Potter chat on a battered PC
Back when MSN nudges still meant something to me
You were fourteen, I was fifteen tryna sound grown
Two lonely little weird kids building worlds from home

First time we linked was a cold grey afternoon
Churchyard bench underneath a washed-out moon
I brought my best mate, you brought your friend too
He kept her distracted while I sat close to you

So I kissed you awkward through the fear and the rush
Cold stone bench, tremblin' hands, everything hushed
And in that quiet moment it felt bigger than we knew
Like the world held its breath just to look at us two

You loved His Dark Materials, Travis on repeat
Flowers in the Window drifting soft through the street
Never read the books then, years later I did
Trying to find the world that existed in your head

You were my first love, first girl I lost
Lost you to the shadows when your mind got crossed
Spies in the corners, gremlins in the hall
Demons and things watching through the walls
You were my first love, now you're somewhere unknown
Still hear your voice when I'm walking home alone
Flowers in the Window playing soft and slow
First girl I loved and I never let go

At first I brushed it off like imaginary friends
Thought it was stress, weird dreams, one of those phases that ends
But your voice changed tone every time you explained
How things sat in the room watching while you lay

I asked what they looked like, face, shape, eyes
But all you could tell me was their size
Small things, smaller than people could be
Always one nearby whenever you'd speak to me

You called them spies some nights, gremlins other days
Sometimes Demons hiding just outside your gaze
You'd point at the bed saying one sat there
I'd wave my arm through it trying to show empty air

But that made you panic, tell me "Stop, don't move"
Like I'd touched something real standing there with you
And I didn't understand what I probably know now
How fear and delusion can swallow someone whole somehow

You were my first love, first girl I lost
Lost you to the shadows when your mind got crossed
Spies in the corners, gremlins in the hall
Demons and things watching through the walls
You were my first love, now you're somewhere unknown
Still hear your voice when I'm walking home alone
Flowers in the Window playing soft and slow
First girl I loved and I never let go

Then I realised love on its own wouldn't save this
You needed real help, not teenage reassurances
So I arranged to meet your dad face to face
Hardest thing I'd done anywhere up to that stage

Took an older friend with me so I wouldn't fold
Had chat logs printed out of the stories you told
Hands shaking carrying papers through the rain
Feeling guilt and terror tangled up with shame

The easy thing was leaving, disappearing instead
But I loved you too much to just protect my own head
Your dad listened quietly while I explained the fear
The spies and the gremlins you said were always near

I thought the meeting went alright when I walked away
Thought maybe now somebody else could help you stay
Then suddenly silence — no messages, no calls
Like somebody reached in and cut through it all

Later I heard he blamed the online world for your state
Thought fantasy and chat rooms had twisted your brain
And after all these years I still don't understand
Why trying to help meant losing your hand

You had such a common British name
Like thousands of echoes sounding the same
Old forums died and accounts disappeared
Time buried the traces year after year

Maybe you recovered, maybe you survived
Maybe you found peace and rebuilt your life
Or maybe somewhere when the nights run cold
You still feel those shadows close

And the hardest thing after all this time
Is never knowing how your story ends

You were my first love, first girl I lost
Lost you to the shadows when your mind got crossed
Spies in the corners, gremlins in the hall
Demons and things watching through the walls
You were my first love, now you're somewhere unknown
Still hear your voice when I'm walking home alone
Flowers in the Window playing soft and slow
First girl I loved and I never let go