Alfie

Before you had a heartbeat, before you had a name
You were wanted from the start, never born from a mistake
I was picturin' your future, the man you'd be
All the things I'd teach you, all the things you'd see
Electronics on the table, wires laid flat
Show you how the current moves, where the fault lines sat
Engineering lessons, how to build and repair
How patience and precision get you further than fear
Music in the evenings, breakin' noise into tune
Show you rhythm and timing, how to make something move
And the car on the drive with the bonnet up high
Me and you gettin' greasy, talkin' life, talkin' why
But I worked every hour, every minute I could
Tryna build us a future, tryna make life good
I thought grind was love, I thought work was the way
Didn't see I was missin' you day after day

I'm sorry, son, for lettin' you down
For the times I disappeared, never stuck around
Alfie, I hope you know I loved you very much and I didn't want to go
I was fightin' my demons in silence, alone
I'm sorry, son, for the cracks I made
For the promises broken and the words delayed
Alfie, I hope you know I loved you very much and I didn't want to go

Then the business fell through, yeah it dropped out clean
Every plan that I built got caught in between
And the dark moved in like it paid me rent
Couldn't get outta bed, couldn't pay it back, spent
Me and your mum were toxic, too sharp, too fast
Two hurt people swingin' at the weight of the past
And it broke me apart when it all went wrong
When I realised some love don't last that long
When she moved away, felt my chest cave in
Every mile between us felt like losin' a limb
So I moved up too, just to stay real close
Didn't care what I lost, just wanted some hope
Even seein' you briefly kept me alive
Like I still had a role, like I still had a right

I'm sorry, son, for lettin' you down
For the times I disappeared, never stuck around
Alfie, I hope you know I loved you very much and I didn't want to go
I'm sorry, son, for lettin' you down
For the times I disappeared, never stuck around
Alfie, I hope you know I loved you very much and I didn't want to go
I'm sorry, son, for lettin' you down
For the times I disappeared, never stuck around
Alfie, I hope you know I loved you very much and I didn't want to go
I'm sorry, son, for lettin' you down
For the times I disappeared, never stuck around
Alfie, I hope you know I loved you very much and I didn't want to go

Before you had a heartbeat, before you had a name
You were wanted from the start, never born from a mistake
I was picturin' your future, the man you'd be
All the things I'd teach you, all the things you'd see
Electronics on the table, wires laid flat
Show you how the current moves, where the fault lines sat
Engineering lessons, how to build and repair
How patience and precision get you further than fear
Music in the evenings, breakin' noise into tune
Show you rhythm and timing, how to make something move
And the car on the drive with the bonnet up high
Me and you gettin' greasy, talkin' life, talkin' why
But I worked every hour, every minute I could
Tryna build us a future, tryna make life good
I thought grind was love, I thought work was the way
Didn't see I was missin' you day after day

I'm sorry, son, for lettin' you down
For the times I disappeared, never stuck around
Alfie, I hope you know I loved you very much and I didn't want to go
I was fightin' my demons in silence, alone
I'm sorry, son, for the cracks I made
For the promises broken and the words delayed
Alfie, I hope you know I loved you very much and I didn't want to go

Then the business fell through, yeah it dropped out clean
Every plan that I built got caught in between
And the dark moved in like it paid me rent
Couldn't get outta bed, couldn't pay it back, spent
Me and your mum were toxic, too sharp, too fast
Two hurt people swingin' at the weight of the past
And it broke me apart when it all went wrong
When I realised some love don't last that long
When she moved away, felt my chest cave in
Every mile between us felt like losin' a limb
So I moved up too, just to stay real close
Didn't care what I lost, just wanted some hope
Even seein' you briefly kept me alive
Like I still had a role, like I still had a right

That house was empty, yeah it echoed at night
Four walls, no noise, just the end of the fight
The friends I thought I had weren't there when I fell
They vanished real quick when I weren't doin' well
Only time I felt real was seein' your face
Once every couple weeks then back to the space
So I leaned on stimulants just to stand upright
Just to get outta bed, just to make it to night
Kept the bills paid, kept the lights on strong
Kept tellin' myself I was holdin' on
But I was runnin' on fumes, no rest, no grace
Smilin' in public, losin' the race

Then the mask fell off, yeah the wheels came loose
Mental health in pieces, no way to reduce
Your mum said"One more time and you're done"
And I swear I tried harder than I ever had done
But I'd pushed too far, crossed lines I couldn't mend
Lost myself tryin' to hold up the end
Woke up in a ward with a line in my arm
Machines doin' work just to keep me from harm
Dialysis hummin, thin line between
What I was, what I am, what I nearly had been
And all I could think was the boy I'd lose
If this was the ending, not the chance to choose

I'm sorry, son, for lettin' you down
For the times I disappeared, never stuck around
Alfie, I hope you know I loved you very much and I didn't want to go

I was lucky, son, life gave me one more go
I got clean, got steady, learnt how to grow
Built a life from the rubble, learnt peace from the pain
But there's still a piece missin' that I can't explain
It's you, little man, the gap in my chest
The part of my heart that never found rest
I reached out a few times, tried to make it right
But I was told clear I weren't welcome in your life
And I didn't have the strength, didn't have the fight
Didn't know if I deserved to force my way inside
So I live with the love I was never allowed to show
Hopin' one day you'll hear this and know

Alfie
I never wanted to go